Whether it is an abusive significant other or parent, a condescending sibling, a disrespectful co worker, or a friend that doesn’t really consider our feelings…when is it ok to step away and really…who is the one that needs the healing? When do the cords that bind us become the chains that bound us? Are we obligated to keep people in our lives because of their relationship to us, or because our society or cultures say so? When is it ok to put ourselves first, and let the chips fall where they may? Most importantly, when do we start listening to the voice in our gut that is always right, rather than the one in our head that is mostly wrong? What are these voices and what do they mean to us?
Here are a lot of questions to answer, many things to consider. Now instead of being impulsive with our responses…let’s really think about this for a moment. Our first response when we are being treated badly, can generally be one of two things. We make excuses for the ones that hurts us and internalize the reasons as if there is something wrong with us and/or make excuses for them…or…we get angry and protective because we have had enough and that reaction generally leads to confrontations that get nowhere or we shut down because the one that is hurting you seems to have many reasons why it is ok to have little or no disregard for you.
I say “we” and “our” because I have been on the receiving end of this my whole life...I have learned to forgive, feel compassion and change my behaviour to step away from potentially bad situations. I have spent years healing and forgiving those that have wronged me…but there are those relationships in my life that continue to degrade me and I have learned what I must do to bring balance to my soul and to my energy body when these situations occur. Those individuals will not change until they feel they need to…the only control I have is over me.
I am 50 years old this month and I have spent most of my life being hurt by others as well as being victimized by myself. No one can beat the crap out of you better than you can.
What that means is, I was always asking myself things like; What is my purpose on this planet? Is it to be an emotional and physical punching bag for others who claim that they love me? Was I so bad in another life that I am being paid back in this life? Is this happening to me because I had an abortion when I was younger and took that life that I had been blessed with? Am I so unlovable? Am I meant to be alone? Why do the people I love always hurt me? I guess I’m meant to be alone because maybe I’m not worth it. Pretty depressing right? But I’m sure many of you on the receiving end of bad behaviour have asked yourselves these questions or ones like them, and many more.
Now I’m going to give you something to consider? Think about what I am about to say, before you dismiss it. Ready?
We have brought every single thing that happens into our lives, ourselves. No one is responsible for what happens to you, other than you. Let me allow you to chew on that for a moment. No one can treat us badly unless we allow it.
We make most of our decisions based on the negative input from that loud voice in our head – ego, rather than the quieter voice in our gut – our true higher self, our soul, our guides…whatever your belief, it is that higher consciousness that would rarely lead your astray, if you would just listen. We hear it…but much of the time what “the gut” wants us to do…the direction that it is asking us to take…is too hard, we feel the price is too high. Every cell in our being…if we are true to ourselves…knows it is what we must do, but for some reason we choose the loud mouth in our head that makes us doubt ourselves, makes us feel bad, judge ourselves poorly and allows us to feel inadequate, or actually as if we derserve the situation we find ourselves in. What is that all about?? Is it easier to allow ourselves to suffer than to step away and heal ourselves, putting an end to the bad behaviour?
Let me just say this, if you believe nothing else I say, believe this…you are worthy and bad treatment is not a punishment you deserve under any circumstances unless of course you have broken some major rules, like murder, rape, etc or you are the abuser, and then my friend, the universe has a special way of dealing with that Karma, and that is not for me say. But whomever you are, we are all connected to each other, always, and in some cases those connections get corroded and rusty, but we are never, ever disconnected. So if you know or feel that your connection is not strong, it can always be strengthened, you just have to want to do it, I mean really want to do it. Like an alcoholic, no one can help, until that person, is ready for help.
- It was easier to hang onto to the pain because it had become like an old friend, a sado-masochistic relationship at best, but still familiar. It was much more difficult to put the pain behind me then to find out who I was without it. I mean, I believed that without the pain, I would be nothing…I couldn’t even possibly exist. Can I say that releasing all the pain that I had stored up for years was a surprisingly enlightening and empowering experience, that I cannot even explain to you in words. You must actually go through the steps and do it, nothing is better than experience. I felt like I’d shed 100 lbs of waste in 1 hour…when I finally released it, I had never felt lighter in my life. It was as if I was looking through someone else’s eyes and it was the most exhilarating feeling in the universe….at the time, little did I know, more amazing things were yet to come.
- Who I am matters, always and forever, stamped it, no erasies…lol…enough said on that point!!
- I have to forgive those that have wronged me, even though, at times it seemed like the most impossible thing to do. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful healing medicines in the universe...not only the act of forgiving others, but the most difficult forgiveness of all. The act of forgiving yourself for allowing all of this pain and wrong doing to happen in the first place and for carrying it around for so long like luggage.
- I am never alone, even when there is no one else around. First of all, the source, god, Allah, Buddha, whatever your belief leans you towards, that higher being is always with you, in you, around you, and beside you…always…and I don’t have to be in some special house to speak to that powerful energy, I can do it anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Secondly,I believe that I have spiritual guides and that they are always with me. I have even named them and I call on them whenever I feel like it, as they are a big part of my life on this plane. You may think that is weird, but hey, I’m never alone and I feel awesome that they are with me, weird or not, it works.
- Meditation is very important and gives you the time you need to shut everything else out and reflect. This is when that voice in your gut is heard with much more clarity, but you must allow it and it takes some practice. You must also learn to release your ego, you were not born with it, therefore you do not need it. It’s a hard habit to break but well worth it.
- Loving myself, being “in love” with me…how in the world can anyone else love me the way I deserve to be loved if I don’t even do it. You must do for yourself what you would accept from the others around you. You want respect? Then you must respect yourself. You want someone to care about your feelings, then guess what? You got it…you must care about your feelings. I’m sure you get my point here.
- This lesson was the hardest for me, after the forgiveness lesson, and I actually had to do several past life regressions to get it…I am enough. I am good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thoughtful enough, spiritual enough, strong enough in every moment of every day. I am enough!! I have much to offer the universe and the souls around me and if I just listen to that voice “the gut”, I will always stay on my path.
- The law of attraction…we have all heard of this. Our thoughts are energy and what we think goes out into the universe and it becomes reality…that is basically the meaning. So if you think for instance, you deserve bad treatment, then guess what my wonderful soul that is reading this…you will get just that…or if you think you never have enough money, here we go…you know what I’m going to say right…you will never have enough money. You must start putting out there what you want and think from the end. You will hear me talk about this a lot, think from the end and act as if you are there already and the path will become clear. You must believe it, from your “gut”, you must truly believe it….like it’s a done deal.
- Never forget that others are also living their life, walking their path, or they have veered from it so maybe try to look at those that have lost their way with compassion instead of malice or hate….another big pill to swallow…I get it.
Ok I have blabbed on and on here and given you some nuggets to think about. When you are ready to heal and you want someone to help you to facilitate that healing, know that you are not alone. Besides your higher consciousness, that higher power, guides, angels or whatever your beliefs are, I am here for you, always. Whether it is by educating you through the topics in my show, or coming in and seeing me in my clinic, reading my blogs….Count on that!! You have all my positive thoughts and vibrations!!