Hi there and welcome to 7 Rules to Make a Relationship Work…I’m not just talking about a relationship with someone else but also your relationship with yourself.
Today you are going to get 3 of those 7 tips to make your relationship work better, no matter who that relationship is with, including you.
I am Ayse Hogan, Holistic Coach dealing with Behavioural Modification and Self Limiting Belief Change. I work with people struggling with a wide variety of struggles and issues ranging from quitting smoking to severe depression and even PTSD. Aches and pains etc.. dealing with trauma….Today however, I am talking to you about making relationships work and we are going to come at this in a very different way than perhaps you have ever thought about or even practiced.
Click that WOW Button or the Heart if you can hear me loud and clear and comment and let me know where you are listening from if you’re digging my hat. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and make comments.
Ok now to the juicy stuff…today I’ll be going through rules 1-3 and then next broadcast on the next broadcast at 7am I’ll talk about rules 4-7…don’t want to overwhelm you with too much all at once. If you miss the live broadcast…don’t worry…it’ll be on my page for you to see later.
Rule #1 – Put Yourself First…before you roll your eyes…listen to me ok? Some of these rules you may have heard…but I am going to explain what I mean by each one and as Tony Robbins says…knowledge means nothing if you don’t execute…knowledge is potential power…execution is power.
We as a society, as actually people around the world…especially women are notorious for putting ourselves as one of the last priorities on the list…sometimes right under take out the garbage. We will look after everyone else’s needs before we look after our own.
You absolutely need to put yourself first…Why? Ok here goes…because if you feel good about how you look and how you feel…wouldn’t that make you a better parent? A better boss or employee? A better friend? A better son or daughter? A better lover?
Do you burn yourself out looking after others and you have nothing left for yourself? Don’t you think you matter as well? If you are a pleaser for instance….Please Yourself First and then take care of everyone else…ok..let’s not get crazy…those loved ones that you look after can place a close second third and fourth, but you have to be first. A little different then most of us have all been told all of our lives right?
When you do that…what does that tell the world? You are a reflection…and you are telling the world that You matter, you respect yourself, you count…we are a reflection of what we get…if you don’t feel that you count…then neither will anyone else not that the way we want.
Now one more note on Rule Number 1 – Everything in moderation…if you are putting yourself first all the time but not considering the needs of those you claim to love, respect or have a relationship of some sort with then slap on the hand…not cool…they matter to!!
Rule #2 – Love Yourself and See How Great You Are
This one kills me…how many times have we heard that if you don’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you…how many of us practice it though.
If I said name 15 things that you love about yourself…could you? But if I said name 15 things you love about your best friend, your spouse, your child, you could probably rattle it off in a New York minute.
We as humans spend most of our time focusing on what we are not…I’m not enough of this and I’m not enough of that…and I wish I was this and that…do you ever…I mean ever …think you will get to that level of perfection that you are striving for…or will you just keep raising the bar. Stop listening to that parasite in your head that keeps beating the crap out of you and start loving yourself and focusing on who you are.
Loving yourself also means no more self abuse…you may say…I don’t abuse myself, what is she smoking? We are constantly telling ourselves what we are not…that we are not enough…ok here is an extreme example of what I am talking about…we all know or have heard about a woman who allows herself to be physically, mentally or sexually abused in a relationship…notice I said…allows herself…now…and then one day out of the blue…she says..I’m out and she ends the relationship…what changed? Do you know?
Listen carefully, come closer to the screen…if you have not heard anything else I’ve said…here this…we will tolerate abuse as long as…the abuse that we are getting does not pass the boundaries of the abuse we are giving ourselves…so what I am saying here…if you are beating the crap out of yourself in your head…blaming yourself…treating yourself badly…you have just left a lot of room for others to do the same…
the minute you start loving yourself…putting yourself first and following all the other rules I will tell you about in this broadcast and the next…your tolerance level goes down…ok so why did she decide to leave…because the abuser did something that past her boundary…maybe he threatened to kill her or maybe hit one of the children and that was beyond even what she could accept…are you picking up what I’m putting down…you want to lower the bar way down here when it comes to bad behaviour.
So the more you love yourself…the more you understand that you matter…well then there is no room for bad behaviour…can you dig it?
How about you love yourself right now the way you are….in fact…how about starting a love affair with yourself…don’t look at me like I’m nuts…think of a time when you met someone you were interested in…you wanted to know everything about them…what they liked, what they didn’t like…their story etc…how about you turned that same enthusiasm inward and have a great love affair with yourself.
You have tons to offer the world…that is great about you…focusing on all the wonderful things that make you the awesomeness of you…that got you to where you are today…not the negative stuff…how did you survive the negative stuff…you had to use your great stuff …your strong reinforcements…right?
Each day you will get better and better and you will love yourself every step of the way…not when you get to some impossible unattainable destination but right now…love yourself during the journey…and remember the journey is the destination.
Rule #3 – Bring Happiness to Yourself – sounds a little bit like Rule #1 but here is what I am trying to say…once again we, the general we…look to others that we love to make us happy…we put our happiness in their hands…guess what happens when we do that…we give them the power to take away our happiness whenever they want…to give us loads of happiness or just a little bit or none at all. Kind of sounds like the addict and the drug pusher right…we give the pusher all the power. That happiness may be in the form of love or friendship or any other type of relationship.
Happiness comes from inside of you…you don’t change who you are for someone else…the only changes you make in who you are are the ones that will bring you closer to the person that you want to eventually grow into and be happy for that journey along the way.
Your Happiness is your responsibility, not someone else’s, no matter who they are…their happiness is their responsibility and not yours. The only people we have control over in this life is ourselves…no one else…so that being said…if you put your happiness in someone’s else’s hands, you are giving them control over you…and then when they don’t treat you the way you want…you are unhappy and you are upset with them or yourself…what’s that about? How can you truly know all the things that make them happy or vice versa…no one can ever know you that well and we are growing everyday.
Nothing and I mean nothing happens to us in this world…the situations we find ourselves in are of our own doing…we make the decisions to bring us to where we find ourselves.
So let’s choose…to change our story…to be love ourselves, put ourselves first and make ourselves happy. If someone truly loves you and they love themselves and they are truly happy inside as well…well then they will be happy for you and you for them…you can share that happiness…
It is so simple and we make it so hard…all that unnecessary drama…ok so tips 4-7 are coming up in the next broadcast and feel free to send me some questions and comments, click wow or send me a heart, hit the like button…love to hear from you!!
Thanks for listening…if you want help in Increasing your Self Esteem, Your Self Love, to pull yourself out of Depression in a lasting way and want to learn some great portable tools then Book Your Free 60 Minute Consultation that can be done in my clinic, online or on the phone…I will be adding my contact info to this broadcast once it is posted.
Go to my website and check out my about page and see what tools I use to help you change your mindset
I’ll be looking for you…Mondays at 8pm and Thursdays at 7am